Moving day has arrived...

Hi there... Well, I've done it - I've taken the plunge and gotten my own domain and webhosting where I'm running the latest and greatest version of MovableType. I won't be updating this site anymore - so please come visit me at http://www.virtualzen.net or my photoblog site at http://www.virtualzen.net/photo

Happy Birthday again!

So, after a great weekend full of much drinking and carousing* I got a call from Dad today. I had asked for a domain name and some webhosting for my birthday. Well, the call came that I should go ahead and charge it to their creditcard. Set it up today, but still waiting on the confirmation and setup instructions to come. Doteasy hosting is where I got the hosting from - only $25 a year for the domain name and $7.95 a month for hosting. Gives me 100 email accounts, 1GB of storage, full compatibility with MoveableType databases etc. Its going to be kickass when I get it all up and running - now I just have to figure out how the heck to actually install all this stuff. I'm going to keep the Blogger site going until I get the rest of it setup, but I'm pretty sure I'll be able to cope for now. I do like the interface for Blogger but there's a lot more I want to be able to do with it, including the photoblog - and once I get the moblog stuff set up I'll use the cameraphone that Karl and Robyn have (and I'll most likely buy from them). This is gonna rock.

Cape Tribulation

Cape Tribulation 1
Originally uploaded by virtualzen.

I took this a year and a half ago on my trip to Australia. I've uploaded a good bunch of photos to the Flickr website to check out.
Also, I only need 2 more people to sign up so I can get a free pro account and get a full 1GB monthly upload limit so anyone who wants to check out Flickr, please email me for an invitation!

Zen Garden

Zen Garden
Originally uploaded by tomeppy.

Lovely, really lovely.

Hmmmm....

Dharmapalooza 2004: Vidyuddeva
Originally uploaded by coolmel.

Now, what I need to find is a guy like this - good looking, shaved head, computer guy, Zen priest - all the things I'd be looking for in a man...

Buddha...

buddha's head
Originally uploaded by kryphtonized.

is seemingly trapped in the earthly realm here. Gotta love this Flickr thing!

Benefits of working here

At work today we had a staff meeting about the benefits plan and what it covers and doesn't cover and stuff. I asked the guy why it was that we didn't get Zyban covered or other smoking cessation programs when its been proven that quitting smoking can reduce the amount of healthcare related charged substantially. He basically said that studies have shown that for insurance companies the costs are yearly for even single subscribers of Zyban, the patch etc. There has been apparently no conclusive evidence that these methods increase the chances of quitting permanently.

Not that it matters really now that I've been done with it for over a month.

Go me!

Working long hours...

So here's the thing... I've been working these kinda crazy hours at my job due to the fact that I've gotta hit my targets before I go on holiday on the 24th. I've already put in some overtime and have to get my ass in on Saturday. The only major side effect of it is that I've got NO energy left at the end of the day to deal with The Mouth. In a good way though, I have one nice new thing I got at Eliot's bookshop on Yonge St. Gotta dig in... Later... Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that I spotted a celebrity yesterday on my way home from work, Rannie from Photojunkie and GTABloggers fame! (at least I think it was him)... If it wasn't for the fact that I was so exhausted from work I would have just said hi - just making note of it for future missed opportunities to say hi references.

San Francisco Zen Centre

Buddha found on San Francisco Zen Center website. I'm thinking I'd really like to spend a good three months there or something... Got a call from Jeff (Mark's partner) tonight. Man, I'm really glad I called him. He's such a nice guy and its nice to make a new friend that I like and is a decent guy. There's so many creeps out there that its nice to actually talk to someone with something interesting to contribute to a conversation. Anyway, it turns out that he used to live around the corner from the San Francisco Zen Centre. Talk about serendipitous! More on this later, I'm sure...

Man, I can't wait...

So, there's this supposed "change" that is meant to be coming this month. According to Astrologyzone.com, the change that is coming is the biggest change to happen in 12 years. Man, 12 years ago I was still at Georgian College in Barrie, going to school for Business Administration - Accounting, getting laid for the first time, getting to know my way around the "normal" world (after being sheltered in the gifted program in school) and most importantly, how to drink vast quantities of beer. I also got my first job at Revenue Canada, made a huge amount of friends and started realizing the truth about myself. Now I find myself coming nearly full circle - and it makes sense that it would do just that. I've spent some time back in Barrie, I'm back doing collections, I'm learning how to deal with and accept people from very different walks of life and I'm finding myself questioning all kinds of things in life now. I think the most important change that has already happened is that I've found Zen as a way of coping with who I am, these constant desires for MORE. I desire all kinds of things at the same time I reject them. I want that really amazing place to live, yet realize that all I truly need is a safe, calm clean place to lay my head at the end of the day. I want that car that looks good, drives well and is a sharp set of wheels, something I'd be blingin' in - but at the same time transportation is a simple matter sometimes requiring more patience than I actually have. If anything the changes Zen is making within is that I'm turning inside out. My mum was funny this weekend in that she even said that she wouldn't be surprised if I ended up in a Zen monastery in Japan next year. Neither would I frankly. I don't think its something I can do full time in the traditional sense in that I still really want a partner in life, a mate, someone whom I can share my existence with, and support in walking the path. Perhaps the San Francisco Zen Centre can help with that. Anyway I've really gotta get back to work. Man, I really love this being able to post from email. :-)

No one likes the doctor...

Just got back from my checkup and the doctor says that pretty much everything is fine. I had to get a tetanus shot booster but he spared me the rectal exam cause he says let's check out your bloodwork first. If that comes back strange in any way he'll get it all sorted. I'm also getting my first HIV test in quite some time. Now I know that I've been really safe with sex and haven't done anything high risk, so I'm ok with it, but I'm still really concerned that something really bad might be lurking in my bloodstream. I'm not so sexually active so its not like I'm an old had at getting HIV tests, but its important that I get this one done now before I get involved with anyone. Other than that, he says everything is good - and he's really happy that I quit smoking. He's not that concerned about my weight but says that as much as possible I should exercise etc. Yada yada... I know this already. So there you go - nothing to worry about.

Home again...

Man, what a weekend... I'm really glad to be home in that I've got all my "things" around me. My iBook, and my bed. Yeah, I gotta put up with the other guy, but I'll survive. The 2 beers I had at Simon and Stacy's tonight kinda helps that one. I've also had another 2 pints out with Peter at the Churchmouse & Firkin. Didn't wanna get TOO messy seeing as I've got my physical tomorrow morning. I really am NOT looking forward to the "cough and turn" test. I know its something I have to put with, but at least I'd expect a drink or two first. Okay, I take back the sentiment previous noted about putting up with the other guy. Doesn't he ever fucking realize that I'm fucking BUSY??? Does not the fact that I'm turned away, working on a computer and not even paying attention even register with this guy? I mean, honestly! Kay, I'm done bitching now. Back to getting ready for bed.

Birthdays...

So, its my birthday in 24 days... I'm going to be 31 this year. I always like to take time each year around my birthday and reflect on what the last year has meant to me, what I've accomplished or not attempted. Last year was a great big whirlwind tour of my life - living in Melbourne, having my parents come to visit, going through the angst of AFL finals, working at Dun & Bradstreet and making a great living at a really very easy and simple job. I loved my life, my friends, my day to day everything. I officially turned 30 with Kat and Kip at some grotty pub in Melbourne where we got well pissed on beer and manky champagne - and then had to get up to do things with Mum and Dad. All in all it was a great time. This year... Well, a somewhat different tale, I'm (kinda) afraid to report. I'm living in a pretty deranged environment that is not conducive to living the kind of life I want to lead, working at a job I don't care for (but I'm unfortunately good at), see less of the friends I want to see and have lost a great deal of my inspiration for what was good in my life. I'm at times lonely, withdrawn and crabby with the world. On the other hand I have quit smoking, paid off nearly all my bills, had one of my photos appear on the Oprah.com website, had some interesting and fun times with some people along the way and I'm really ready for whatever the next stage of my life will be. This all kinda ties together the threads of my life to date, including my introduction (or re-introduction) to Zen. I'm learning that all things really are impermanent, there is no constant except change, all things pass, fade and drop off the face of our awareness. Still, I need many more years of meditation I think before I'll be truly able to say that I'm not sad to see all these changes. I wish I could bury my head in the sand for another year, but alas, that's not to be. Happy Birthday to me, indeed.

Long weekends...

are seemingly made for people other than me. I tend to get a bit wound up when I have too much time to myself for some reason. if I don't have to be in a particular place by a particular time I just kinda fall apart. Anyway, its been a pretty decent weekend this go round. Friday night I came up to Newmarket to the parentals (mainly to get away from the shenanigans sure to be happening in the loft with Adam & Co., but also to escape the heat and smog for a while). Went out to dinner at Canaan, chinese which has definitely improved over the years. Food was fantastic. After dinner I spent time setting up this new blog and surfing around - chatting with a few people online and generally doing nothing. Saturday I didn't get up to much during the day other than to shave my head again, chat more online, talk with Mum for ages and drink copious amounts of tea. Peter came for dinner and we went to visit our friend Amy and to check out her new Pontiac Vibe. Now its not necessarily a car I would consider (being a GM product and all), but I have to say that its really pretty cool! Nice seats, kinda sporty, and great visability - no wonder all the olds are buying them up! ;-) Anyway, went to visit Karl and Robyn after that and when they were ready for bed we went up to Barrie to Club C'est La Vie again. This guy I'd been talking to online met up with me there - and all I can say is that he was a perfect gentleman, I had a great time, nothing happened (which is good seeing as he's a bit too young for me), but I hope that we'll get to be decent friends. Haven't heard back from him since then, but ah, what is youth if not an excuse to flit around in the world? Maybe if the age difference were less I'd be more inclined to be concerning myself with what might have been, but not at this stage. But boy was it nice to spend a night out with a decent guy, very good looking and really nice at the same time. Sunday was pretty good too - after I got over my hangover... Read a lot, puttered round the house, had steak and salad for dinner and went over to Karl and Robyn's for tea (Tim Horton's steeped tea is amazing). Their friend John was visiting (nice guy, so not what I'd expect from them for some reason) and then thier friend Dow came over. Man, the discussions we had were so cool - talking about marijuana legalization, medical uses, how to grow it, all kinds of shit I'd never even thought of came up. All I need to say is that nearly every day I spend time with my brother I come away with a newfound respect for the guy and the person he has become. For someone who I think most were ready to write off as the blacksheep of the family, he's really become someone I'm proud to call my brother. Now if only I could get my own shit together! :-) So, today - Monday... The last long weekend day of the summer... The weather is cool, only 20 or so, a bit overcast... I'm spending it inside trying to get my life off the .Mac service since I don't think its worth the absolute fortune they're charging for it. I've set up a free webhosting service for my images to go on the blog, I've set up a new Nikonnet account to serve for my online photostorage area and I've got my Gmail account for email. All I need now is a domain name (which I've asked Mum and Dad for the birthday present this year) and I'm good to go. Time for more tea...

Saturday, 4 weeks later...

So, here I am, 4 weeks to the day after quitting smoking... How am I doing? Well, pretty damn well if I do say so myself. I've had one or two ciggies whilst being VERY intoxicated and suffered no ill effects. I've not had one sober thought of actually smoking again and I'm quite happy to report that my lungs have finally purged all those years of crud. Man, that was a treat, lemme tell you! Thanks to everyone who supported me in my quest, the kind words made it all the easier. So, its Saturday of Labour Day long weekend here and I'm just waiting for Peter to arrive for dinner. Mum made macaroni and cheese so we're going to have that for dinner. We're going out to Mississauga to some gay bar then most likely up to Barrie to C'est la Vie. Interesting little bar that we had fun at last weekend. Might be fun, could be a waste of time, but Peter and I always have a good time out. This cowboy I've been chatting with on MSN might be there as well, he's a total hottie. Don't know why he keeps chatting with me when I'm sure there are heaps of other guys he could chat with - but its a pleasure to talk with him. He's cute, sweet - and real from what I can tell online.

So now I can post from anywhere?

Man, I'm SO glad I moved to Blogger from LJ. WAY more customization, happiness abounds...

the newest object of desire

Apple - iMac G5 I cannot believe that I have lived until now without this in my life. I am now complete.

and so it begins...

I've begun to study Zen. There. Its said. I read somewhere today a quote, perfection is not knowing when to stop adding things, its when to stop removing them. I think this involves me somehow. I have begun the process of reintegrating things into my life. For instance, I have pared my existence down to the ownership of one bed, various items of clothing, my iBook, my iPod, my Nikon, a few books and various lamps. My friends are now few but cherished. My family is made up of 5 people, two not related by blood. My job is one which doesn't do anything for me except pay my debt collectors and keep a roof over my head. Yeah, I'd say I'm done removing things.

Quitting smoking

Day One... I'm not feeling too bad - only had about 3 or 4 real crisis points today when I nearly broke down and bought a pack, but I didn't give in. Wish I had done the Zyban thing after all though - I'm just missing it more and more - at least its time to get to bed soon enough so hopefully I'll wake up in a decent mood. Good luck to everyone at work that has to deal with me...

Anime...

So - Anime... I've become quite the fan - or rather, I've rediscovered my love of anime. I've pretty much rented out everything at the local Rogers Video (although they seem to have lost the one video that I've been wanting to watch for some time now, Tokyo Godfathers); and have moved on to Million Comix on Yonge St. Lately I've watched the following: Witch Hunter Robin (DVD 1 through 5 - 6 is out on the weekend) Neon Genesis: Evangelion (one of the best series I've ever seen) Battle of the Planets (the first series that ever got me into anime) Wolf's Rain (this one sucked, didn't even watch the whole first DVD) RahXephon (just as good if not better than Evangelion) Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex (loved the movie and the series is just as good) Millennium Actress (so very strange) Descendants of Darkness (kinda gay, but not bad overall) Now I'm just waiting for Gundam Seed to come out on DVD and I'll get into that one. Back to my regularly scheduled boredom...

...because I've been told to...

So, I've been suitably chastened by my friend Pat this evening for not updating my blog in ages... Egg on my face, really. I've been swamped at work with all those many many collection calls I must make - not to mention all those people who need my opinion on every single gosh darn element that comprises their so-called lives... Seriously, I've been in a bit of the what we like to call the dumps these days... I just don't have any motivation to write lately. I sit down at the iBook, launch XJournal and just sit there looking at the screen. Well, I'll change that today. I went out to dinner with Karen and friends (Peter, the Mark/co's, Pat and Ash, Karen's Steve - and a few of Karen's friends and family that I'd not met before) at the Granite Brewery on Mount Pleasant in Toronto - just around the corner from where I used to live. Was SO nice to see them all again - and did me a world of good to see people again. This self-imposed hermitage I've squished myself into for no particular reason is really going to have to stop I think - mainly as a result of now wanting to see people again. The only drawback to this evening is this strange sense of heat I have growing up my esophagus (most likely from the 4 pints and the jalapeno peppers that the Mark/co's didn't want to eat on their nachos. So what have I been up to lately.... I've been doing a lot of reading, a lot of movie watching, a lot of anime watching - and heaps of working; trying to keep my head above water and food in my belly. As a result, I've ended up putting on about 10 pounds somehow in the last month - that SO have to come off before Andrea comes in September. Did I mention that part yet? YAY!! I am SO glad that she's coming - I really need a piece of Australia to come see me since I can't quite afford (yet) to just pop back off to Oz. My mate Mark and his partner Jeff have moved to High Park here in Toronto - went to see them just a few days ago - before Mark had to leave to Tokyo for 6 or 7 months (starring in a Tokyo Disneyworld Broadway review no less). I miss the guy already... Rang Jeff the other day and have been playing phone tag since... I'm going to list a few things that I've been doing lately on another post - mainly cause I've had a few pints, and now a bit of scotch and coke (sorry about the mix, but its what I drank in Melbourne). Goodnight to all - most of all me! :-)

Books

I know I said that my next update was going to be photos, but I'm away from the iBook and working (tee hee!) and I've suddenly got this urge to try and list the books I've read in 2004 so far (and hopefully get round to the 2003 list as well)...

2004
Stand Up for Your Life - Cheryl Richardson
The Life Makeover - Cheryl Richardson
Take Time for Your Life - Cheryl Richardson
The 9 Steps to Financial Freedom - Suzie Orman
Japanese Style (photo book of Japanese homes)
Foucault's Pendulum - Umberto Eco (in progress)

2003
Me talk pretty one day - David Sedaris
What Should I Do With My Life - Po Bronson
The National Geographic Photography Field Guide
Wizard's First Rule - Terry Goodkind
Stone of Tears - Terry Goodkind
Blood of the Fold - Terry Goodkind
Temple of the Winds - Terry Goodkind
Soul of the Fire - Terry Goodkind
Faith of the Fallen - Terry Goodkind
Pillars of Creation - Terry Goodkind
Mary Called Magdelene - Margaret George
Holy Blood, Holy Grail - Michael Baigent, Richard Leigh
The DaVinci Code - Dan Brown
Stupid White Men - Michael Moore
Oryx & Crake - Margaret Atwood

I know I read a heap more than that, but I simply can't recall them all right now... Going to have to keep editing this list.

And how could I possibly forget getting up WAY too early in the am to get down to the Borders on Chapel St, South Yarra to get my Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.

In other news, I have some exciting projects with Andrea coming up. So incredibly excited. Keeping it somewhat quiet for now, but going to see what crops (tee hee) up in the next few days. Have a few missions to have fun with. Man, I love that girl.

My own (sur)real life (Part 2)

Man, last night was another whopper of a night! I'm not sure what the deal is lately about strangeness in my life, but it seems as though there's a good deal of it coming through loud and clear. Never mind that the night before was one of the strangest on record, but then to have the kind of impromtu party that developed was just not expected. Last night was the series finale of Sex and the City (I'm not giving anything away here for those who haven't seen it yet, so don't worry), and I had thought previously that it might be nice to have some people round to watch it, but never really got round to inviting anyone. After just spending the day hanging out at the loft, I got a call from Adam (who went out with Will for dim sum (yum cha for my Aussies) asking me if I'd invite my pal Gen round. I havent' seen her in a few weeks, so I left her a vmail to see what she'd been up to. In the meantime, Girlfriend (Michelle) got a call as well to see if she'd be up to coming over as well (the Un-Usual Saturday night suspects gathering again). Got a call back from Gen first, yep, she's in. Got a call from Girlfriend, yep, she's in - and she's bringing her friend Soren, who's bi, runs a pornography shop and is kinda hot, according to Girlfriend. Hoan. Should be interesting. And it was actually - we all hung out, had grapes, wine, cheese, some choccies, a few rum and cokes - excellent conversation, a few tarot card readings by yours truly and some very interesting three-way flirting between Soren and Michelle, and Soren and I. He's about the same height as me, butch, #2 crop, goatee kind of thing - and MAJOR tattoos on his arms. Wouldn't have noticed too terribly much had he not pulled his sleeves of his jumper up. Oh, and he was wearing 12 hole Doc's. Damn, Adam had it right when he said to himself upon meeting Soren, "Damn, Eric gonna DIG". He was pretty, well, squalor in his deportment, VERY rough round the edges, but Girlfriend had told me that to start with. I'd SO be very interested in doing, well, something with the dude that involved a bit of alone time and a whip or something... Anyway, we watched the episode, had a little toast to end of Carrie and the gang, and boogied on down to Woody's for our traditional Last Orders Drinks. I've been really getting turned on to Absolute Mandarin Vodka with Tonic - awesomely good drink. Soren bought us a round, which was quite nice, and then he and I watched the Best Legs competition. No contest really there - the final round was some little hispanic guy from Toronto competing against this like 6'7" MONSTER bodybuilder from Chicago. Of course we all wanted the HOT one! ;-) Anyway, as Michelle and Soren were leaving to catch the last train back to Mississauga, he shook my hand (about as far as I'm willing to go with some guy I've just met, unless I'm about to sleep with him) when he pulled me into this massive hug and kissed me on the cheek. According to Girlfriend in our recap convo this arvo, he told her about that as well. Hoan. So, rest of the night - nothing special. Went for brunch with Peter and Ida for her birthday today, came home and jacked into some streaming tunes and passed out for a really good nap. Adam went out with his friend Anna, and I'm all about getting to bed at a reasonable hour again. Work comes too freakin' quickly - and the universe only knows what I'm about to get myself into this week if the weekend has been any prelude.

My own (sur)real life...

Okay, okay - I know I've been bitching a little bit lately about things, and I'm going to try and work on that. I'm having probably one of the best days I've had in ages. Got myself going (eventually) today, and although late for my appointment with the slide scanner at the Toronto Reference Library, I made the most of it. Went to the other library branch to return my (somewhat) overdue books first, then out to Tim Hortons for a quick lunch. Got all my slides scanned and burned to a CD and came home to test it out. Damn, those file sizes are huge, and Photoshop just isn't coping well with my lack of RAM in the iBook. Need to get that sorted. But back to the events of Friday night - went out with Ida and Peter for our usually semi-monthly drinking binge - beer, cosmopolitans, and vodka tonics. Lovely evening. Peter drove me back to the loft when we were done. Adam was priming the base of the kitchen island for final painting, I just watched some stupid movie with Ice Cube in it, some crap called Surviving the Game. I only remember it because of the events of the next few hours. Adam walked over to say something, and looking out the window he says, "Dude, get out of the tree!" I thought perhaps he was either a) reliving a past acid trip or b) talking to the television - never once thinking there may be an option c) to consider. Turns out that this was the understatement of the week. There WAS someone in the tree - more like a really tall shrub - that grows outside my window in the loungeroom. This shirtless skinny dude, about 25 was actually waist high to the window - IN THE TREE. Remember, we're three floors up, face an alleyway that really NO ONE wants to walk down, never mind actually explore. He's up there - no more than perhaps half a meter away from me - looking me straight in the eyes. Well, he starts heading back on down the tree as I'm sitting there trying deciding whether or not I'll call the police, or just throw something at him. Neither was actually required, seeing as about two minutes later - and 15 feet lower than my window - the branch cracked and dropped the dude about 25 feet to the ground. I didn't actually see this happen, but man, I heard it. Adam looked out the window and saw that he was on the ground, not moving - but breathing. After giving the guy about a minute to see if he'd just been winded - I called 911 and had the full treatment show up at the building. Fire department, coppers and ambo's (one of whom was a TOTAL spunk!) Anyway, turns out that this dude has a few priors for break and enter - as well a pretty sketchy history. So, after all that drama, they charged him with Prowl by Night - like that's a REAL charge! Had to give a statement to the coppers over the phone and might even be subpoenaed - all because I was more afraid that this dude was dead than him actually being able to get into my place. Took a few hours, an episode of Buffy and a few ciggies to get me calm enough to sleep. But that I did. I know my writing SO sucks right now - but I'm tired, hung over - and SO needing to get back to sleep.

For cripes sake, grow UP!

Its been ages since I've written - mainly because I just haven't had the time or inclination. I was doing SO well, too! I've been busy doing things on the weekend that I don't want to do (like spend the ENTIRE weekend doing things that Adam planned for the loft - nice to have it done, but I'm so tired of doing all this crappy stuff already!) or being obligated to do things that just don't interest me. My needs are SO being left behind lately, I've really gotta look at that and figure out what to do about it. I'm at work again, and I'm just getting more and more fed up with all these low class, immature pathetic people I work with. Drama, gossip, backbiting - all part of the daily routine round here. Its incredibly mind-numbing - and even when I think that I can do my job if I was just left alone to do it, I have silly little Michelle sitting next to me telling me every little minute detail of her sad little existence. Perhaps I'm just not cut out for actually being sociable with people I work with. I mean, I get up in the morning and I'm alone until I get to Eglinton station. There I run into Jonny, the new guy who never shuts up. Talks at me the whole bus ride to work. There I have to deal with idiots who can't possibly comprehend the fact that I don't WANT to talk to them after spending ALL day on the phone, which means that I never get a moment to myself during the day. The ride home is exactly the same as the ride in - Jonny babbling on like an idiot. Then I get home and well, you guessed it, no peace there either. Adam just couldn't possibly handle the fact that I need some peace and quiet when I get in.

Someone, somewhere, is going to be told to fuck off soon. Just a matter of time till it happens.

Peter and I had a great day on Sunday doing the photographic scavenger hunt found here. Ended up at the Fiddler's Green pub having pints of Harp. Man, that stuff was a bit skanky going down the first pint, but after 6 or 7 it was well good. Bit of a hangover Monday - but not too bad. Anyway, we had a great conversation about life and where we're going and what we're looking for. Basically, it came down to wanting more out of what we have, and living in conjunction with our values (which I've come to note as being Freedom, Exploration, Integrity and Passion - FIPE, EFPI, PIFE, FIEP, PIEF, EPIF, whatever...). I'm SO not living in concert with these things - hence my annoyance with all those idiots around me. I had a point I was going to make, but of course I just had to hear about how fantastic Michelle is for actually doing a part of her job. Yippee fucking ki-ay.

Best part of yesterday was talking to Andrea. Damn, I love that girl. Even after nearly a year since I've laid eyes on her, just talking to her puts me right back into that same place where geography is completely irrelevant and those you love are all around you.

I'm sounding stupid now - gonna go out for a cigarette and contemplate how much I'm growing into a bitter gnarled old soul before my time.

Another fucking playlist

1. Together Again - Janet Jackson 2. Where is the love? - Black Eyed Peas 3. Carnival - Natalie Merchant 4. Full of Grace - Sarah McLachlan 5. King of May - Natalie Merchant 6. If It's Hurting You - Robbie Williams 7. Love Story - Layo + Bushwacka 8. Fallen - Sarah McLachlan 9. Cry Me a River - Justin Timberlake 10. Time after Time - INOJ Now, I know what you're thinking.... damn, this random playlist thing is freaky! talk about suiting my mood exactly! hmmm.... I mean, I know Apple's got some cool shit in making these iBooks, but I didn't know it came with a mood sensor.... Must be the glowy Apple thingy in the lid.... MoodPort Extreme I call it... Night all, I'm sleepy...

Bored, bored, bored...

I'm so glad I'm at work. I'm so glad I'm at work. I'm so glad I'm at work. Nope, didn't work. I thought that if I said it enough times I'd be happy about being here still. As it is I can only say that I'm completely and utterly bored out of my mind. I can just see that I'm going to get in trouble someday soon - probably similar trouble to that which I was going to get into at Dun & Bradstreet before I left. Lets just say that Internet access should not be allowed for Eric during the day. The only problem is that my job is that its so damn easy that I can work and surf at the same time. I've been keeping abreast of all my photoblogs I follow, updating my own journal, writing email to friends (hi Andrea!) and generally doing everything I can to keep my mind active. I have a feeling I'm going to be busted for it soon enough, but you know I just can't care that much. The people I work with are at such a low level of intelligence and maturity (as though I expected something more from a collection company). If I had enough guts to do it, I'd start surfing to find another job - but even I know that's pushing things a little farther than I'd like to go. Its not even like there's any good spunks around anywhere. There's really only two spunky guys here that I'd even look twice at - and they're so straight its shocking. Anyway, I'd better get back at it...

The morning after

Yet another weekend is coming to pass quite quickly. Michelle, Will and Genevieve came over last night to help paint and keep us company. Luckily, Adam got really pissed last night so he doesn't wanna go out to Home Depot and get stuff to do the kitchen island and storage unit. So my room is now painted... I didn't think I'd actually ever have a "brown" room, but after getting the deal of the century on the paint, I don't mind so much. What you don't see in the photo is that fact that the other two walls are kind of a mocha colour that's really a nice contrast to the chocolate. So far, I love it. Took some photos this morning as well - one of my view out the windows in the loft, and another that's just kind of nice.

Went out for drinks with Peter and Ida last night. Started out at the Blue Meany on Yonge St, but didn't really care for it terribly. Gross blue walls, nasty bitchy Yonge & Eglinton tarts making mean faces at Ida. Didn't stay long - just long enough to have a nice drink of Amsterdam Blonde.

Picked up our gear and moved out to Scruffy Murphy's on Eglinton. Much nicer - reminds me of Aussie pubs (the high end ones anyway - not so much like the Dover Hotel or anything). Ida's a blast - like her a lot. She and I really are very much alike - I wonder if perhaps too much sometimes. No wonder Peter likes being around us though, we seem to laugh up a storm. Adam's driving me mental still. I mean, I can't just possibly sit in my own lounge/living room space of the loft (see previous posts for a photo! :-) and enjoy my morning. Nope, its all about "spending time" and "constant nattering on" and shit. I'd really really like to just have some peace and quiet at the weekend. Now it looks like I'm spending part of the day doing stuff with him today - then tomorrow we're going to Home Depot to get shit for the storage area and the kitchen island. Saturday next all of a sudden I have to go to his sister and sister-in-law's place to help take these shelves down in their living room to add to the storage area. I mean, I like the fact that we're getting this place together, but somehow I'm finding myself at a complete loss as to how I've lost my personal time and space. I'm so used to being able to do things on my own - when and where I want. I guess I'm tired of entertaining/being entertained. Can't I just be blank for a while? Michelle is coming over to help paint my bedroom tonight. Should be fun. Can't wait to have the manky walls clean finally. I think I'm going to escape to my parents after next weekend. I just need some time away - time to myself - and so can't afford to do it the way I'd like. Shouldn't have to either. In other news, Andrea is back from Barthelona! I hear there's major updates in the works on her journal - can't wait to read all about them! I think I'm just in a pissy mood. Pardon me.

Saturday mornings

I have this thing for Saturday mornings that seems to have developed over the past little while. I'm getting up at a proper hour and actually doing things instead of just killing time till the bars and clubs open. Lately I've been getting up and going to the local coffeehouse round the corner from the loft and just writing in my wee journal till my hand cramps. I'm getting so used to the time to and with myself that I'm almost over protective of it now. Adam asked me yesterday to go with him to get some supplies and materials to make the storage closet for the loft. I said yes, I'd go - but AFTER my time by myself. I really don't care when the storage thing gets done, its not that vital to me to see it done - and as long as he doesn't take my entire day - either waiting for him to get his shit together - or all day at the shops - that's fine. Just don't ask me to handle any power tools.

tired...

Okie dokie - now I'm officially tired. All I can think of to write is....

That's my loft - with some artistic license, after a night of drinking. Not too bad, huh?

Weirdest day ever

Today has been the strangest one in a long time. Since I didn't go to work last Thursday I've been making up the time at the rate of about 1.5 hours a day all week. My days are long enough, but with this added time its become nearly surreal. Yesterday was a 12 hour shift - just enough to completely fry me out. Anyway, I got up a bit early today and thought I'd leave just a few minutes earlier than normal so I could pick up a spot of brekkie to brighten the day. Good thing I did. Weird thing #1 I normally take the subway about 10 minutes up the line and then take a bus another 15 minutes and bam, I'm at work. Not today. There was a small fire in the underground station after mine which shut down the entire line. Had to walk about 20 minutes to get to the nearest line - take that line for two stops, change lines again, take that train about 20 minutes up - hop a bus across town to the usual station I catch my bus from and then take that one to work. All told it took me nearly an hour and a half to do a normal 35 minute commute. Weird thing #2 Waiting for my bus to take me back to the station to get home this evening. Standing at the stop, watching all the traffic drive past. Suddenly see a big yellow schoolbus go zipping past. Schoolbuses at night are strange. Not happy things like freshly sharpened pencils, or the smell of blackboard chalk. Eerie things like Freddy Krueger and bizarre South Park "best of" episodes ("now that's what I call a sticky situation"). Weird thing #3 Well, not so much weird as annoying. Made an appointment at the H&R Block office to get my 2003 taxes filed - GO REFUND!! When I booked the appointment yesterday, I made sure to mention that I needed to see someone who was familiar with filing foreign tax credits. Got there, waited patiently till my time - and didn't you know it that the person wasn't available. Had to leave my stuff there to have him do it during the day. Guess I'm not getting my cashback straight away - but as long as its coming I'll be happy. Other than that - I'm just tired, a bit irritable, hungry - damn hungry! - and have to leave to do laundry. Will my days ever get better/easier/better/happier/better/richer? ;-) Gotta say to one person in particular - cause she needs to hear it - love ya girlfriend!

Good things...

Seem to happen when you least expect them.... I got an email today from one Annie at Oprah.com - responding to my submission of some of my photos to the Oprah.com Breathing Space section. I never in a million years thought it would actually amount to anything - and yet, here's Annie saying that she thinks my photographs are beautiful and they'd love to use some of them. Had to quickly resize and resubmit a few choice ones, and even though I don't yet know which ones they want to use - I'm absolutely thrilled! I know its not a big deal, really. I'm not being paid for it, and its just a small section of the website - but to think that millions of people are going to get to see some of my pictures is just awesome. I'm completely over the moon about it. If only I could get over my headache now. The people I work with just natter on ALL freakin' day. I wish I could just tell them to shut the hell up, get back to work and get on with it. Good thing I'm a Libra, holding two completely different emotions simultaneously - elation at being selected to show my work to Oprah's readers (Oprah, dammit! :-) and being completely pissed off with the people I work with. Hoan.

Good things come...

Well, just when I thought that the universe couldn't be all "that" cruel, that something had to give... it did. I met a really nice guy last week. His name is Shawn, from Northern Ontario - North Bay, to be precise. He's 29, slightly taller, slightly heavier (although that's in context - I've lost a considerable amount of weight in the past few weeks, thanks to my new externally imposed fiscal restraint policy resulting in decreased caloric intake - meaning, I ain't got no money to eat nuffin'), and has the most amazing, gorgeous aqua green/blue eyes I've ever seen. Damn, I sound like one of those sappy, insipid people now ~ who the fuck stole my angst? Seriously, I spent last Saturday night at his place watching videos (this really stupid Hong Kong action flick, So Close; and then the most wonderful anime I've seen, Spirited Away - you simply MUST see this if you haven't already) and getting to know one another. He was incredibly shy, but finally he planted a kiss on me, I put my arm around him whilst we were watching the movie and when it became too late for me to take the subway home, he invited me to stay the night. Which I did, natch. We've not been able to see each other this week due to various work commitments, but we're planning to see each other at some stage during the weekend. I can't believe its me saying this about him, or anyone romantically linked with me, but I really do miss the bloke. Don't get me wrong, I really enjoy his company, but other than my friends and family I never thought I'd ever meet anyone again who did something for me, other than stir the loins. Anyway, before I get all, you know, dripping with yucky sentimentality (its so VERY cold in my heart, you see) lemme update my current Random Playlist of the week: 1. Fine Day (James Holden Remix) - Kirsty Hawkshaw 2. One More Time - Daft Punk 3. Hold On To Me - Cowboy Junkies 4. Send Angels - Plumb 5. Jerusalem - Sinead O'Connor 6. If It Makes You Happy - Sheryl Crow 7. The Sound Of - Jann Arden 8. Come Into My World - Kylie Minogue 9. Independence Day - Melanie C (the best Spice Girl, if you ask me) 10. ...On the Radio - Nelly Furtado Kinda interesting how that works - can't wait to see what my next selections will be... Haven't heard from Andrea, Mark or Marie lately. They've all been on my mind a lot lately - as have a lot of my Aussie mates. Could it be that the first round of AFL is only a month away? (Go the Dons!) Could it be that I wanna go back? Could it be that I'm starting to think that the past year was nothing but a dream? Yes.

10 @ Random

I'm making my 10 Random Songs playlist public. This is kind of like bibliomancy, the method of telling the future by picking a section in a book at random as an answer to the querent's question. Take these as my random lessons and messages to be learned this week? Maybe not. 1. Something More Besides You - Cowboy Junkies This is one song that will always remind me of being in my place on Queen West, in the summer, having Diane over for dinner of seared scallops and mango/cucumber salsa. 2. One by One - Enya Driving home from working at Quartet years ago, in an absolute blizzard just knowing that I was going to panic unless I had something to help keep me calm and grounded. This did the trick. 3. Out of Reach - Gabrielle This one reminds me of the day that I dumped Mark rather unceremoniously after seeing Bridget Jones' Diary. Man, I was such a shit that day. 4. Stay - Lisa Loeb Reality Bites - sometimes it does. 5. Only Happy When It Rains - Garbage I got nothin' for this one. But its cool. 6. Holiday - Madonna Good times, good times. 7. Forgotten - Linkin Park A new one to me, don't know it well - but fun anyway. 8. Out of the City (Starchaser Mix) - 2 Heads This SO reminds me of Kat and I doing paintings on Arts and Crafts Sunday after a massive session the night before. Good old Carlton helped ease the pain that day - as did this song. 9. Another Woman - Moby Not sure about this one - again, I got nuffin. 10. Spin Spin Sugar - Sneaker Pimps This was the last song that Mary and I danced to, just preceding the breakup of Meric. I really do wish she'd stayed on the Prozac, if her entire personality hadn't shifted from fun to LESBIOT we may still have been friends. Anyway, give it a whirl, you may be surprised.

Hiatus

I know its been some time since I've updated my journal, but I've been going through some strange things lately. I'm working now (FINALLY) but I'm doing collections. Talk about a cruel joke on me - I left the most beautiful place in the world because I didn't want to be doing collections for the foreseeable future, and now I'm doing exactly what I'd rather not be doing. Anyway, the job itself isn't that bad, the people are decent (if a little lower in social stature than I normally would associate with - gawd that sounded snotty, but somewhat true). I've been out for drinks this week with them and realize that I can now really feel comfortable associating with pretty much anyone (as long as they don't know the "real" me - meaning the poofter bit). So, I've not been writing... what's up with that, anyway? Well, I've literally been on hiatus from the public journal writing and I've been doing heaps of personal, soulsearching type stuff. I've been doing this Cheryl Richardson program, endorsed and recommended by none other than Oprah herself. Its taken a lot of work on my part and a lot of writing which I've been doing in a nifty new (and cheap) journal. This stuff is all about me, and is intensely personal. Thus, I've not much felt like sharing online as yet. Once I get to something that I need to publically announce, if I do get there at all, then I'll post it. In other news, Valentine's Day was fun - if a bit strange. Michelle, Adam, Will (the guy Adam works with) and I tried to go out to 5ive but the queue was hours long and the club was already at capacity. Adam and I reckon that there's got to be a backdoor entrance from our building (cause we live in the same building as the nightclub). Anyway, after watching an overdose at the coffee house next door we decided to get out to one of Michelle's favourite places called the Dance Cave. NOT fun place, WAY expensive cover, WAY WAY expensive coat check. Music kinda sucked - but the funniest part was seeing this tiny little chinese poof dancing like he was in some kind of cult or something. Strangest damn thing. Ended up for last orders at Woody's again - seems to be the place for it lately (wrapped up the night on Friday with Peter and Ida at the same place - very funny stuff to see conservative Ida watching the International Men of Leather competition (circa 2001) video while sipping her citrus vodka tonic). Speaking of Woody's, I'm heading there tonight to spend some quality time with the Mark/c/o's and Randy. Haven't seen the Mark/c/o's in ages - before Christmas in fact. Will be nice to hang out with some less boozy people for a bit - will help curb this nasty little drinking habit I've developed. Friday - smashed. Saturday - pissed. Sunday - pleasantly numb. Monday - LOADED. Tuesday - HUNG OVER. Anyway, I'm so going to get busted for spending too much time online here at work, so I'm gonna go for now. Know this, all my lovely readers, I will return in short order- just taking a short break to get my shit together. Once I do, I'll let you know all (or most of it anyway).

Holy crap...

I'm sitting in the tearoom at work, having just spent the last hour sitting with a collector working some student loan accounts. Karen's really nice, and its seems that although the company told me a lot before I started, they didn't tell me quite everything. Turns out that a lot of regular collections people here are on lower base salaries, but are actually making COMMISSION on what they bring in. For instance, on the files Karen works on, she brings home 16.4% on EVERYTHING. Holy crap. Imagine you bring in $10,000 - that's another $1,640 in your pocket. Double it (most quotas here are around the $20,000 mark anyway) and you're looking at $3,280 AFTER you get your regular pay. Perhaps this won't be so bad after all - if I can get the licence to do this anyway. I'm going to be told this arvo what I'll actually be doing, hopefully I'm on a similar structure, but we'll see. If not, I'll just take my licence and go play with Dun & Bradstreet again. In other news, I'm feeling somewhat better today after hearing back from some of my awesome friends. Their kind words of support has certainly hit home - in particular one email from my friend Jen brought a few stings of tears to my eyes first thing this morning. Gotta run - time to smoke.

Well, I know its been absolutely ages since I wrote last in here, but there's been nothing much of good news to report. I completely agree with Andrea that this month (well, January) has completely sucked. I'm not sure if focussing on the negative is helpful or not, but let's get that out of the way. I had SO many interviews, and no one call back. The jobs I was offered were crap. I couldn't pay my rent for February so Adam paid it (gee, I'm further indebted to him now, lovely). The job I did get, I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to keep (not the telemarketing one, I canned that one pretty damn quick). Nope, I'm working for a collection agency now, and shock of horrors - they need to get licences for ALL the provinces so that I can work legally doing this. Going to cost me an additional $195 that they'll deduct off my already crappy paycheque that I don't get to see for another two weeks. Hopefully the money I do have holds out till then. I'm not even sure if I'll be able to qualify for the licences or not. Besides the crappy job situation (which, Universe help me, will change soon) there was also the scare of my mum being in hospital. Anyone who knows me for any length of time knows that I'm freaked right out about seeing her in hospital given the whole kidney transplant and immune suppression thing - so it was pretty freakin' scary. Turns out she was in ICU for about 3 days before being moved to the regular medical ward for another 4 days. Nice thing though, went up to see her in hospital on the first day I heard about it - and ended up spending the whole day with my dad. Never done that before. Was kind of cool to hear about the things that he thinks about - the crazy things he dreams up as ways to fall asleep. I've never really given him enough credit, and I'm glad that finally, in both our old ages that I'm able to see him for who he is; not just my dad, but as a person as well. Mum is better now - the antibiotics worked a treat and got rid of both the nasty stomach and chest infections in record time. Told her she should never have gone to the hospital to visit my uncle's wife! So, you know how all bad things come in threes? Let's recap - SHITTY job sitch. Mum in hospital with some NASTY bug. And then as of Friday night - my iBook shuts itself down for some reason. It was really late so I didn't worry about it, but when I went to boot it on Saturday - NOTHING. Got to the Login Window Starting stage - and NUFFING. Nada. Zip. Rang Apple support and got some freebie support (honey, not vinegar was used in this application) basically telling me I had to reinstall EVERYTHING. Massive fragmentation of the harddrive resulting in non-recoverable sectors. Shit. Didn't have any of the CD's to install with, so panic-stricken Eric rings his brother, gets the CD's delivered to the parentals so I can get at them on Sunday (see later entry). So, if shit happens, I've had enough. If it comes in threes, I'm through. Bring on the good stuff, cause I can't take much more of the anxiety waiting for the other shoe to drop. Anyway, in other news - I met a guy last week over coffee. Nice enough bloke, we chatted over 2 hours over hot apple cider about photography, the different cameras we'd had, the quality factor when considering digital vs. film etc Kodak has now said that they're discontinuing the production of all film cameras in the western world, but will continue to make film. They're going completely digital now . Went over to his place on Friday for a nice couple of beers and a chat - get your minds out of the gutter people! We had a perfectly pleasant evening of chatting by his electric fireplace (and yes, he has a sheepskin rug in front of it, IKEA natch) but we certainly didn't get naked in front of it. Anyway, he's nice enough, but doesn't really make me pant, nor pine, nor ponder what may be. Guess its good enough that I get out of the house and start meeting some people, right? Speaking of getting out of the house - I had Michelle and Gen over on Saturday night for the First Annual Eric & Michelle's Unofficial Official New Year Party. January 31st, you see! After much candle burning, Wolf Blass drinking and the arrival of Adam to complete the foursome we toasted the New Year to the champas and lichee liqueur that Gen brought to donate to the cause. Michelle and I got elected (well, we kind of elected ourselves) to go and get pizza slices cause the nachos and salsa and sour cream & onion crisps just weren't cutting it. On go the clothes, boots and hats and out we went. Next thing I know, Michelle and I both ponder if we'd make it for last call at Woody's. Turns out, yep! We got a quick little drink and in the haze that has become my recollection of the evening I remember us trying to pick up some poor guy named Andrew in a military inspired jumper, feeling his ass up, getting his phone number, getting pizza and returning to the loft. After Michelle finally gave up the ghost (Lightweight Linda, she is) and went to bed, Adam put Gen to bed on the sofa and retired himself (all round the half 2 mark). Well, Michelle and I kept giggling in bed till we decided to ring up this Andrew bloke. At 2:30am. What the hell, its New Year, right? He chatted a bit to us, but he just didn't respond to our advances for him to come over and play ;-) Sunday was a bit of a write off, and a bit of a blessing. Went to my parents to repair the iBook as previously noted, but Peter came and picked me up at the bus terminal so we could hang out. Got him a shoddy haircut at FirstChoice (last choice) and had Wendy's for tea. Haven't had Wendy's in YONKS. Yummers! Finally got the 'Book reinstalled, hung out at the parents for a bit and Peter drove me back to the subway (bless!). Made it home in time for Survivor: All Star. With the exception of a few of them, I kinda think its going to be Survivor: All Starve. They look as though they learnt nothing the whole time they were away the first game. All I have to say is RUPERT RUPERT RUPERT. They should just give the man the $Million. Okay, I've said enough for today and I've got to get to bed - have to get up in 5 hours and I'm already exhausted from complete insomnia. Can you really blame me? I'll probably write more tomorrow when I have my second day of work. Still have heaps to gab about but I'm babbling now.

New thingy

Just registered on this site - its pretty cool. Check it out if you like (only Mac users, thanks! ;-)

Another odd one...

Well, I've gone and done it this time. I've managed to somehow become the thing I absolutely hate. I am now a telemarketer. Let me start at the beginning.... I got a call from Anne, one of my agents from before I went to Australia, this morning. While we had a great chat and she's confident she'll be able to find me work fairly quickly - I'm desperate for funds. So, rather than actually whore myself out (still an option under consideration) I'm thinking - yep, time to cruise those classifieds for something that pays quick. I sent off my application for my pension funds from Australia, that kind of thing first - but then I started to get my ass in gear. Found this one place that is just like 2 blocks from where I live (which would be fine on a nice day, but considering the freakin' blizzard that seems to have hit eez no so close now mang) and they say in the ad, Interview Today, Start Tomorrow! Hey, methinks this is good. Went for the 4pm cattle call interview where I had about 30 seconds to explain what I did in my last job. Well, that was the first interview. Huh. Asked me back for another interview at 5pm. Ok. Didn't really say what it was for, so I thought, what the hell, I gots nuffink betta to do. 5pm I now watch the video they set up on the matter of "How to Sell the Globe and Mail by subscription". Oh. My. Gawd. I can't believe that I'm doing this. Sean (the kinda spunky manager doing the interviews) asks us to read a section of the script that he's given us. (Shades of hearing the Telstra people doing the same spiel day in and day out at Dun & Bradstreet comes shattering through my mind as I'm reading this moronic script, "Good evening, my name is _________ ringing from The Globe and Mail Newspaper. Is this the __________residence? Great! Have you had a chance to read the Globe and Mail recently? " barf.) The only thing good about it is Sean - tres cute. Anyway, got through that one - and I'm thinking to myself - I'm doing this for HOW much (little) money? Sat down at the phones and did a little bit of phone work before they come over and ask me if I'm ok with it - and when did I want to start? Um, I say - Tonight? they ask - Ok, I say. What the hell just happened? Damn good thing I get paid for this.

What an interesting... um... day?

Had one good thing happen today. Andrea rang me from Scotland and a full hour and a half conversation ensued. Thank goodness for ₤3 left on a phone card! We got cut off near the end of our convo, and it simply wasn't enough, so I rang her back and said goodbye's. I think we really have found some extreme form of bonding between her living overseas and mine having just come back. Wish I'd had someone to help show me the ropes and to explain how things work when you're away when I was. Oh well... Kinda babbling today - applied for so many jobs I don't think I'll have any chance of actually getting. Michelle, bless her heart, has forwarded my resume to one of the recruiters in her agency that I'm meant to ring tomorrow. I'll get on that by noon. Still have heaps of work to do to get a job and money is getting tight. Guess I'm going to have to end up doing one of those stupid telemarketing jobs to make some cash. One funny thing I saw today online: Which Living Dead Doll Are You? Here's my result:
You are Siren. You are quiet, shy and tend to be
slightly naive. Kay, I'm going to get jerk chicken for dinner. Starving. This having no money is shite.

A short one

Going to keep this short - had an interesting day, nothing all that special. Got up at 9 (I know, I know, I shouldn't get in the habit of sleeping in!) and started in on the bathroom getting these disgusting tiles off the wall, and then had to spackle and fill the shit it did to the wall. Went shopping (got the new issue of Shonen Jump!!!!!!) and then went to Winners to use my gift certificates from my parents. Did REALLY well actually - I got two DKNY shirts (one grey, one white), a Chaps Ralph Lauren ribbed t-shirt, a new Buffalo belt and a REALLY great Katherine Hamnett striped shirt in dark grey and almost a sapphire like colour. Its SO ace! Going to Woody's with Randy and some of his mates tonight. Will be good to meet some new people - get some new blood so to speak (not the Anne Rice kind, just the fresh face kind). My mate Mark () started his own livejournal today as well. I'm so glad he did - I find its sometimes really a good way to just release whatever has been on your mind, into the world - just let it out there and off it goes. (and now having broadband again doesn't hurt either!) For now - keep yourself interested with this for a while:

Revisiting the past

Today I spent seeing people who I haven't seen in ages and really missed. Did my email at iklick - an upscale version of an internet cafe, which was cool - got caught up on a bit of stuff that I'd meant to do, and didn't get the chance to previously. Think I saw Mary there (formerly of Meric) but didn't want to say hi - was too odd to even think about it. Went for lunch with Genevieve, the coolest chick from Alberta I've ever met. A veggie, listens to good tunes, quasi-goth (but far too nice to pull off the attitude). Gen and I used to work together at ECCC last year before I went to Australia, and it was really nice to catch up with her and see where life has brought us. Went to meet her at the ECCC offices, and MAN what a blast from the past. I took the subway and bus up to my old neighbourhood at Yonge and Eglinton - crap, that was very strange. Noticing the little things that have changed, and the rest that SO hasn't changed. Went to Swiss Chalet for lunch - had my favourite - Chicken Club Wrap (and um, could you please bring me the bottle of Tabasco sauce?) while Gen had a veggie burger which she tells me is actually pretty good. After lunch I stopped at my friend Karen's place where I used to live on Eglinton. Ended up spending all day there and evening for that matter. Went out to Gabby's for chicken wings (MORE hot sauce thanks!) and after many hours spent chatting, catching up, smoking and drinking tea she brought me home just in time to return the movie Adam and I hired last night - Underworld for those interested. Was actually a pretty good movie if you could follow the plot. Its quite stylish and the acting is a bit, well, over the top - but what do you expect for a movie about vampires and werewolves? I think it needs the DVD extended version, or at least with extra features to explain the whole thing, but I think I got it sorted in the end. On another note, Peter and I seem to keep playing telephone tag. First he calls, then I call, then he calls, then I call - and tonight again, I missed his call. I SO want to hang out soon - miss him a lot. Since I got back from Australia I, naturally, want my best friend round lots, but just had to go bugger off to Cuba for a week (jealous, much?) and I haven't had the chance to see him. For the record, his birthday is today, January 8th (same as Elvis!) and I can't have asked for a better friend over the years. It ain't been all roses, there's been some thorns along the way, but the rosey bits would never have been so appreciated had we not had to work for them. Happy Birthday matey, and here's to many more.

Macworld rocks! (literally this time)

iLife '04

This, for me, is the biggest pain in the ass that my obsessive/compulsively disordered self will have to deal with for the next several weeks 'til I decide what to do with my iBook. I simply MUST have the new iMovie, iPhoto and dammit - Garageband. I'm not that fussed with iDVD, cause I reckon that to make it work any worthwhile, I'll have to get a desktop Mac anyway (anyone wanna sell me an eMac cheap? With Superdrive? I can make some kickass photo DVD's that way! :-) but I'm REALLY wanting Garageband. Not that I'm so musically inclined that I'd be able to actually play any instruments, but I'm SO thinking I could make some seriously kickass electronic tracks for my own needs. And then to be able to chuck them on my iPod (more on that in a sec) or even post them to the web for me mates to download - fuckin' amazing. I'm SO glad I'm on the side of the good. Its kinda like the Lord of the Hubs: Fellowship of the Mac (with Steve Jobs as Gandalf - quick to anger, but pretty awesome in the end). Does that make Bill Gates, Sauron? (shit, I hate when I digress).

Damn. They "almost" had it right. Its a freakin' cool tool.

I'd buy one today if I could (shipping in Feb). A credit card sized, 4GB harddrive iPod, with new colours (I'm thinking if they made a black one, I'd have one as soon as they're on the market - as it is, I'll have to settle for silver). Fully touchscreen, but with buttons on the wheel.

One problem. The price. Its only $50US less than a 15GB full size model. Hmmmm... Let's see, nearly 4 times the capacity - but a wee bit bigger and its brother only comes in white. Hard choice. I still want one.

So why do I love Apple? Cause they make the fucking coolest tools ever. They're so untool like that they're beyond anything Microsoft could hope to come up with.

Why do I hate Apple? Cause now I have to upgrade my iBook to be able to use Garageband. And even though its time to upgrade my original 5GB iPod, I'm TORN - absoluted GUTTED about which one to get. But hold on, if I wait until the summer, I can see what Macworld New York will have and I'll want that TOO....

Damn this OCD.

The (re)birth of cool

Today was an eventful one, of sorts. Didn't get to bed till REALLY late last night cause I just was too up to sleep (bit stoned from the dude next door cooking till midnight, and having put Adam's ever so DIFFICULT Ikea bed together) so I ended up doing email till nearly 3am at the dodgy internet cafe. Thankfully, in my absence, the availability of internet access in Toronto has greatly improved. Hopefully, though, once I've got my broadband connected (as of Thursday!) I won't ever have to see the blacklit (yep, black lighting to make the gaming posters for Diablo II and Starcraft far more appealing) walls, nor hear the sounds of Need For Speed:Underground blaring full blast ever again. Anyway, I got up and showered quick as can be, got my coffee at Starbucks (keep forgetting there's a Timothy's right round the corner - FAR better coffee) and a paper and settled in to wait for the new appliances to arrive. Got tired of waiting and went out to internet again (did I mention that I'm a complete net junkie) and applied for some work while seeing the real-time updates for Macworld SF 2004 (update on that coming next). Just got my lunch and tucked in back at home when Bad Boy (the furniture shop) rang to tell me that the delivery dudes were around the corner and would I get the elevator for them. I did - and after much tooing and froing (the elevator never was emptied of all the CRAP people had put in there and was meant to be collected today prior to the delivery. But the guys soldiered on, got the dishwasher, stove and fridge in, laffing all the way as I managed to somehow get the antique freight elevator to the third floor. Got all the crap in - and before they would take the old one away I had to clear out all the rotting nastiness left in the dodgy one painted like a cow. Got us all downstairs, closed the doors and went to bring the lift back to the third floor. Or so you'd think. Pulled the chain that was meant to take me up - nothing. Closed the gates again to make sure that the safety hadn't been tripped. No go. Rang the super to get him to extricate me from the hundred year old deathtrap I was now about to start calling my frigid home - along with all the other nastiness in the elevator. Thankfully it was cold enough that nothing was starting to smell, but the super was simply NOT going to answer his phone. Asshole. Panic started to settle in - and my instincts took over. Rattled against the door to the outside (the first of three to actually get THROUGH the door to the outer world. Shit, fuck, damn - I'm getting STUCK in here! Well, I suddenly went all intelligent, found the place where the door was catching - opened the other three doors and got my freezing ass outta there. Don't know if I broke anything as I slammed the freakin' doors down, but hell, I don't CARE. Got back upstairs and after finally getting to eat my lunch (which having been sitting in the flat for two hours was less than terribly appetizing) and set up the appliances. Now I have a place to keep things, um, cold. Or hot. Or clean. Bliss.

Dirty Deeds

Well, its done. I'm moved. I'm living at the new flat now and well, its done. Still having a hard time realizing that I now live back in Toronto. Dad and I got all my stuff into the minivan in one load and got back to the city just in time for Adam to leave to return his moving van. Its awfully strange to be back here, and even though I had my serious doubts about it all, I'm quite happy now to have moved. The flat is looking heaps better now that its a bit cleaner, my room is now set up, the living area is functional (although we don't have working cable television yet). We still have to put the kitchen in, but the appliances are being delivered on Tuesday (sometime between 9 and 5 - I only hope that we either a)have internet access at home by then or b) they don't arrive between noon and 2 when I'm going to be watching the Macworld Keynote at the internet cafe I now find myself in. Adam and I got pretty pissed on Corona's yesterday before his mate Greg and his girlfriend Patty came to visit. Greg's quite the hottie, who if not for being straight would SO have to worry about my grabbing his bod at every turn! Anyway, we got the disco ball up and running, and ended the evening by watching about an hour of The Karate Kid before heading to sleep. Observations: one of my neighbours has a SERIOUS issue with "cooking the Buddha" as Adam puts it - so much so that the smell of it wafting into the flat at 10am was enough to wake us both from a dead sleep. Another observation: I can hear EVERYTHING that my neighbours do - which in turn means that they can hear me as well. This does NOT bode well for entertaining anyone if noise is an issue. Today brought a trip to IKEA, and a few new things - lamps for my room, a new shower curtain, some casters for the television stand, a mirror for the bathroom so we can actually shave when necessary. Still have to get a powerbar for my room and have to head to the chemist to get some shampoo and stuff like that. I kind of like setting up a new place, but this one has SO much more work to do as well. On top of trying to find work tomorrow I'll have to wash some of the floors and try to get them clean. By the time I walked from the bathroom to my room my feet were dirty again already! Oh well, such is the experience, n'est-ce pas?

Songs

Song lyrics that have captured a piece of me. Tongue-tied and twisted are all my memories, celebrating a fantasy come true. Packin' all my bags, I'm finally on the move. And I'm leavin' today, I'm livin' it, I'm leavin' it To change. - Cruz, Christina Aguilera It's one thing to ask why did we break up, Have you ever wondered why it is we fall in love, Can you tell me do you know what it is you're lookin' for Why do we need? Can you tell me why I care? How is it that we heed that voice that says I want you there. Thanks you've been fuel for thought, now I'm more lonely than before But that's okay I've just went and made another fucking love song. - Lovesong, Amiel Dreaming of so much ugliness, waking up to all this beautiful blue. Dreaming with so much ugliness, waking up to all this beautiful blue Beautiful you. - Beautiful Blue, Holly McNarland I'm a hazard to myself, Don't let me get me. - Don't let me get me, Pink I just wanna feel real love, Feel the home that I live in. Cause I got too much life running through my veins, Goin' to waste. I don't wanna die, but I ain't keen on livin' either. - Feel, Robbie Williams I tried so hard and got so far, but in the end it doesn't even matter I had to fall to lose it all But in the end it doesn't even matter... things aren't the way they were before You wouldn't even recognize me anymore Not that you knew me back then But it all comes back to me in the end. - In the End, Linkin Park Wake me up inside Wake me up inside Call my name and save me from the dark Bid my blood to run before i come undone Save me from the nothing I've become. - Bring Me to Life, Evanescence What if I'm not ready to play the "what if" game? what if we're all takers? I'm losing my face - Losing My Face, Holly McNarland I'm like a bird, I only wanna fly away. I don't know where my soul is, I don't know where my home is. - I'm Like a Bird, Nelly Furtado Oh my god, Becky... - Baby Got Back, Sir Mix-a-lot There's nothing to do but believe, Just Believe. Just Breathe. - Breathe, Tafelpopmusik Don't go chasing waterfalls, Please stick to the rivers and lakes that you're used to. I know that you 're gonna have it your way or nothing at all, but I think you're moving too fast. - Waterfalls, TLC What I am is too far in and can't be found. - Never Mind, Jann Arden All I ever really wanted was to fly I'm pissed off with gravity. Won't you let me go? I need to fly. And I'd like to know, do you believe? will you believe? Did you ever believe in me? - Do You Believe, Joydrop I'm sure these songs taken in the all together really make me out like some kind of crazy person with deep seated issues. They all at one time or another "spoke" to me, either at a low or a high point in m y life. In any event, I'm just putting it out there.

Tattoo Ambitions

I was doing some research on tattoo designs for a while in Australia, trying to decide if I should get another one done or not. Seems the three I've got already have a quasi-religious point of view on them - ancient ones at that - Celtic, and Christian to this point (no, the cross on my arm is not a Nazi symbol - it was distorted and used by them, just as the swastika was - its a cross that was used during the Crusades.... gee, maybe I'd best not talk about it anymore... not like those Crusaders were much better....) Anyway, I'm digressing here. What I was saying is that I was doing some research and was trying to think of something cool to do - found some designs online, but nothing really caught my eye. Until. I am in AWE of this work. I WANT it. I NEED it. I MUST HAVE IT. I have decided that among my other goals this year (a later post to come - not resolutions, just goal setting - I can't do the five year plan - that's just a bit too naff for my taste - but I need some goals of some sort) I want to get the cross completed. I have left it alone waiting for the right inspiration, the right je ne sais quoi to smack me over the head. I have found it. Now I just need to find the artist that can take the inspiration and spirit of the work and customize it for what I've got already. Can't wait. Must have new tattoo as soon as possible. Addicted. Arrggghhh... drool......

My Journey Home (Part 2)

Okay, so there I was in Sydney, trying to just get on a freakin' plane for Tokyo. Made it to Tokyo finally, managed to sleep quite a bit on the plane, even though it wasn't as comfortable as I would have like (Japan Airlines, for future reference has VERY small seats) and I had a seat next to a drunken Irishman (aren't they all? Just teasing) who didn't get the hint that talking throughout the flight was certainly not most welcome. Anyway, watched a few movies, slept, ate etc. Got through Narita Airport procedures pretty quickly (one of the benefits of arriving as the first flight in the morning. Took the shuttlebus to the hotel where I was informed that since I was going to be flying out the following day, the arrangement for my room was that I was going to have to pay ¥16,000 to stay the night! I only had ¥35,000 total and I still had yet to do all my Christmas shopping! Told the very shocked desk clerk that I most certainly was NOT going to be paying, that JAL stuffed up and they were going to cover it. After much to-ing and fro-ing, I finally got my room (and a nice one at that) and settled in for a bit. A note on Japanese television - WOW!! Morning telly in Japan is STRANGE! I was SO hoping to come across some interest anime program, but all I got was MegaMan - something I could have watched at home! Anyway, got my ass into Tokyo on the train for some shopping and stuff. Went to the Apple Store in Ginza (WOW again, that's all I have to say on that) and found some excellent bargains on gifts for Christmas (kokeshi dolls for Mum, traditional paper fan for Dad, Tokyo Giants ballcap for Karl, car magazines for Peter, some things to send back to me matey's in Australia, some nifty little things to send to Marie Louise in London and a nice metal Buddha for myself). I went back to the buddhist temple Sensoji, the same one I went to on my way to Australia - and did some shopping there as well. Went to Akihabara to see the manga shops, check out the new gadgets (PSX from Sony was already sold out everywhere I went, and it hadn't even come out yet!) and got some nifty little things (MechaGodzilla figure, Akira figure stuff like that). Had ramen noodles in my favourite little ramen shop in Asakusa and stuffed myself while I was at it. Never before in my life have I had noodles as good as these handmade ones in Tokyo. So, now I've had a 12 hour delay getting to Japan, finally got settled, got my shopping done and was ready to head back to the hotel for my final night's sleep before heading home to Toronto. For those who don't know, the subway system in Tokyo is enormous, confusing, and consists of three different companies for which a separate ticket is required for each one. Best just to get a day pass that covers all of them and then there's no need to worry about how to get to where you want to go. The trains run on time, efficiently and calmly - even in rush hour. Well, that's about to change. See, bad things come in three's and I got my second that day. The train stopped suddenly at the station, the doors open, people get off, others get on, the doors close and the power shuts off. Of course, I'm looking stupidly confused by this, and even more so as I screw up my face in mock understanding of the announcement coming over the PA system, presumably that there is a delay on the train. Several people pull out their mobiles, and start chatting away, so I'm assuming there's going to be quite the delay. Not to worry, I have nowhere else I need to be. About 20 minutes later after much running back and forth of the clearly excited train personnel, another announcement causing many groans and moans comes on, and we get off the train. Well, I reckon I'm only one stop from where I need to be, guess I'll just walk it. Ended up talking to some Japanese girl in english (of course) about where the station was (she asked me, mind, as though I should know these things?) and tells me that there was apparently a suicide as someone jumped off the platform into the train as it was pulling into the station. Huh. Strange things happen I guess. Next day, no dramas as I get on the plane, get my seat (with an empty one next to me thankfully), made it through Chicago chatting away to a VERY bubbly girl from Burlington. Plane leaves, plane lands, customs is a breeze, one bag comes on the conveyor - the other one not to be found. So, my parents are waiting in the arrivals lounge to greet me and I'm being hassled by the baggage claim people about filling in stupid forms to find my bag. And no, it couldn't be the one that has my non-essentials in it - nope, its the one with my toiletries, my clothes and even my laptop charger. Guess I needed that third thing to happen, huh. They found it finally, lost in Chicago (thanks American Airlines for the continuing commitment to customer service!) Five days later I got it delivered. So I managed to lug over 39 kilos of stuff from Melbourne, to Sydney, to Tokyo to Chicago without a "real" hitch - and finally in Chicago they lose it. On a flight of 25 people, only lasting an hour. Efficiency reigns. Anyway, that's the saga of my journey home. The new journey is starting - and I'm not sure I'm ready for a new one yet. Some time to relax would be good, but I'm not going to get it - that would be far too easy.

My Journey Home (Part 1)

I guess that a lot of people have been wondering what the hell has happened to me since I left Melbourne - and to be honest, I feel a little shitty that I haven't really kept in touch that much (mind you its only been 2 and a half weeks) but I find that its been really hard to try and adjust to being here, back in Canada, again. Talk about a complete 180 from where I was sitting a month ago.Its cold here, snow flies intermittently and I'm living with my parents - couldn't be different if I'd tried!Anyway, I got to Sydney and immediately hated the thought of having to stay there very long (thankfully the hostel was nice, and the roommates I had were really decent blokes from London - father and his two sons, no partiers there!) The weather was crap, I felt like crap - depressed, miserable, anxious about leaving and wanting to get on the way already. Spent way too much money just trying to kill time - picked up a few interesting things though - more manga to feed my current obsession and a few odds and ends. Didn't even want to talk to anyone really - so I read a book and smoked instead - The Three Pillars of Zen. I'm planning on attending a one day introduction to Zen at the Toronto Zen Centre at the end of January - I'm really looking forward to it.Felt kinda bad that I didn't talk to Robert or Liz, but I just couldn't face having to say goodbye even once more to anyone. I SO needed to be able to say hello to someone, anyone that I knew, and know that this time I wasn't going to be leaving for a while. After saying bye to Kat, Melissa, Ant, Becky (oh my god!), Allie, Mark, Michelle, Monkey, and everyone else I fell in love with I didn't think I could cope with it again.Anyway, after lugging my shit round to the airport, a 12 hour delay and a complete hassle getting accomodation in Tokyo as a result (yep, they stuffed up my flight so badly that there was no way I'd get my hostel reservation for the next night so JAL gave me a free room at their hotel near the airport). Talked with a few cool Canadian guys waiting for the plane (including this TOTAL spunk from Vancouver, man he REALLY did it for me!).Anyway, gotta have dinner and start the Lord of the Rings Festival (extended versions of both The Fellowship of the Ring and The Two Towers!)

HPN

Well, its a new freakin' year. 2004. No big deal. I have always had great difficulty in completely being able to celebrate the start of a "new year". I've always been able to see that every month, every day, every hour, every second; is technically 365 days from that very same moment a year ago. So what makes this particular day any more different? Well, I guess for some its that time for new year resolutions (not for me, I'd rather start something when I feel moved to, not when the calendar says I should), and for others its just a time to get together with friends and the like. Me, I'd rather get together when I am motivated to, and after a few weeks of this kind of "holiday cheer" is just about as much as I can take. If I can make any kind of concession to a "new year" of sorts, its that it makes for a convenient time to reflect on the past year, the lessons learned (and not learned), as well as those people we've influenced or been influenced by. I'm not going to go into that at the moment, once I finish doing the reflecting, I'll know what to write! :-) But to all those of you who do celebrate it, Happy New Year to you! By the way, for those who want to know, I spent the night with my parents doing a Lord of the Rings movie marathon - extended version of The Fellowship of the Ring, and normal released version of The Two Towers. Had a sip of champagne at Midnight and went to bed round 2. I was invited to Andrea's place in the Shwa but since my mum asked me to spend it with them I felt not so much obligated as accepting that this is what they wanted to do. So that was it. HNY.

I have returned...

Here I start again...I used to write (VERY sporadically) whilst I was living in Australia, and got onto the Livejournal stuff as a result of my (now) long distance friendship with me matey Andrea. I'm starting all over again in SO many ways, and have so many people overseas that might like to hear about what I'm up to these days that I thought it appropriate to start a brand new journal. I'm not about to get rid of the old one, it still has value, if even only to me. .So, its a new year, a new flat to live in as of Saturday, a new job (soon to come hopefully), and perhaps a new lifestyle seeing as I'll be living near the gay village in Toronto for the first time (wish me luck!) (Note: I have since edited this post to get rid of the original LJ for Tektonik - it didn't really suit me, the name nor the persona. I much prefer Virtual Zen for this.)